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Here in Malaysia, there is an almost
overwhelming sense of euphoria,

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00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,133
as the newly-elected prime minister

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00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,885
has given this
impoverished nation the gift of hope,

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00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,596
promising to raise
the substandard minimum wage

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00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,724
and end child labour once and for all.

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00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,851
Already considered a living saint,

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00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,353
he has become this small country's
greatest hope,

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00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:04,313
for a thriving future
in the new millennium.

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00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,193
Get closer, Jaco.

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00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:12,905
This is disgusting.
How could you let this happen?

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I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio.

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I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts.
I even sent him some pet oxen.

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I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia,
but he won't budge.

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Listen, 50% of my inventory

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00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,423
is manufactured in sweatshops
on the Malaysian border.

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Something has got to be done.

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If Malaysia goes, what is next?

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My entire panty line is made in Vietnam.

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We'll all go bankrupt within a year.

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The Malaysian must be
eliminated, Mugatu.

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What? No, I don't have time for this.

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Perhaps you'd rather go back

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00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,736
to turning out novelty neckties
in Hackensack.

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But my new fall line is almost due.

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00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:57,575
And I trust you would like to live
to see your spring line, as well?

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00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,205
The Malaysian prime minister
visits New York in 14 days.

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00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,290
Do it then.

28
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,835
Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week.
It's impossible! I have a show!

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00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,963
It's perfect. Invite him
to be your guest of honour.

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That's not enough time. It takes
months to train an operative.

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00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,469
What about Fabio?

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00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:22,391
Too smart. This is a rush job.
He's got to be extremely dim-witted.

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00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:26,479
-You know the profile, Jacobim.
-A beautiful, self-absorbed,

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00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,857
simpleton who can be manipulated
and moulded like Jell-O.

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Or cookie dough.

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-Or Play-Doh.
-Any kind of dough.

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The point is, we need an empty vessel,
a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron.

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And when he's finished,
we'll dispose of him.

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00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,498
But who?

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00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,834
I mean, where in all of God's
green goodness,

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am I gonna find someone
that beef-headed?

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Derek, I just have a few more
questions, if that's okay.

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00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,010
Cool.

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00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,596
So when did you know
you wanted to be a model?

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00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,725
I guess it would have to be the first time
I went through the second grade.

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00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:08,104
I caught my reflection in a spoon
while I was eating my cereal,

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00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,274
and I remember thinking,
"Wow, you're ridiculously good-looking.

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00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,610
-"Maybe you could do that for a career."
-Do what?

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00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,613
-Be professionally good-looking.
-Right.

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00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,408
What would you say your
trademark is, if you have one?

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00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,828
Well, I guess the look
I'm best known for is Blue Steel.

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00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,371
What's that look like?

53
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,126
That's impressive.

54
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,921
And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre.

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Le Tigre's a lot softer.
It's a bit more of a catalogue look.

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00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:40,344
-I use it for footwear sometimes.
-Can I see that?

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00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,649
Look, without Derek Zoolander,

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male modelling wouldn't be
what it is today.

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He is a fashion icon.

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00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:00,156
So, do you spend a lot of time
working on these looks,

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00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,616
thinking about them?

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00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,995
Sure. I've been working on Magnum
for at least eight or nine years.

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00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,081
"Magnum"? That's intriguing.
Can I see that?

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Are you kidding?
I shouldn't even be talking about it.

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It's nowhere near ready.

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00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:19,258
It's almost like there's a light
around him. He exudes beauty.

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I think about Derek
every time I design a collection.

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00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,387
Derek, I don't know if you're familiar

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with the belief that
some aboriginal tribes hold.

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00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:29,602
It's the concept that a photo
might steal a part of your soul.

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00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,811
What are your thoughts on that,

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00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,564
as someone who gets his picture
taken for a living?

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00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:38,194
That Blue Steel look he does?
Oh, my gosh! The style and the hair.

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00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,615
You know, it's almost like the new afro
for the white man, but it's beautiful.

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00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:46,035
Well, I guess I would have to answer
your question with another question.

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00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,956
How many "abo-digitals"
do you see modelling?

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00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,793
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the fashion industry's biggest night,

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00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,044
the VH 1 Fashion Awards.

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00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,468
There he is,
three-time Male Model of the Year,

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00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,220
Derek Zoolander.

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He's like music.

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Proud owner of Blue Steel,

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00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,308
the look that made him
the legend he now is.

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00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,352
He's almost too good-looking.

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00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,603
Hey, Paco!

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00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:18,401
That would be my main deterrent
in considering a relationship.

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00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,913
And that's who Derek Zoolander
is defending his title against tonight.

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00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,791
Hansel.

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-Hansel, right here!
-All right, all right.

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The rookie sensation
who has burned his way

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00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,923
into the eye sockets
of the fashion world,

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and left them clawing
their faces for more.

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00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,179
Mugatu sucks!
Support the prime minister!

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Mugatu uses slave labour!

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00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,936
Down with Mugatu !

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00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,106
You hate to see something like that
at an event like this.

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00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,984
Ugly protesters
bothering beautiful people.

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00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,779
There's no denying Jacobim Mugatu
has used cheap Malaysian workers

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00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,199
to make his, and most
of the garment industry's, clothes.

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00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,494
-Derek! Derek!
-Hey, Steve, how are you doing?

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00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,873
You're going for your fourth straight
Male Model of the Year award tonight.

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00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,416
Come on. Are you nervous?

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Well, there are couple of
little butterflies in my basket,

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but I think I'm doing okay.

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00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,464
We also hear you're working on a new
look. Can you tell us about it?

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Actually, I can't, Steve,
because it's not yet perfected.

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But I can tell you
that it's called Magnum and...

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Shut, baby, shut!

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If I tell you anything else,
this guy's gonna kill me.

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Got that right.
How are you doing, Steven?

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-Maury Ballstein, Balls Models.
-A man who needs no introduction.

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00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:39,398
Maury, you've handled every important
male model for the last 30 years.

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-Derek's chances tonight?
-Let me tell you something.

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Nobody can touch Derek.
Nobody! I gotta get inside.

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00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,990
I'm shvitzing like a shmendrick
with all these lights.

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Derek! Derek!
Are you worried about Hansel?

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Not as much
as I'm worried about Gretel.

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00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,217
Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel
line in your article.

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I want people to know
how funny I can be.

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Oh, believe me, they'll know.
It hits newsstands tomorrow.

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Excuse me, Mr Mugatu.
Mr Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries.

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00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,226
Time magazine.

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Any comment on Prime Minister
Hassan's wage increases

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-for Malaysian garment workers?
-No, he has no comment.

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Why don't you let him
speak for himself?

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Isn't it true you'd like to see
the prime minister out of power

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so you can continue
exploiting cheap Malaysian workers?

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Hey, Mugatu ! Screw you
and your little dog, too!

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00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,368
Look out! She's got an egg !

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Oh, my God ! Let go of me!

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Yes!

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Yes.

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Wow.

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I just can't tell you how much
this means to me,

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to be the first recipient
of this beautiful award.

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00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,717
We have a serious problem
on our hands, Maury.

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This Malaysian thing
is getting out of hand.

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I hear you, Jaco.

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00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,933
What this, the Slashie, mean,

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is you consider me
the best actor slash model,

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and not the other way around.

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His proposed wage increase
could ruin all of us.

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00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,572
I need it taken care of soon.
I have people to answer to.

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00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:12,992
All right, now to the important stuff.

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These ain't no slashes, folks.

146
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,288
These are the pure breeds.

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00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:21,000
Here are the nominees
for Male Model of the Year.

148
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,003
Young, hot, brash.

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00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,882
With more covers in his first year
than any rookie model ever

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00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:31,510
and an attitude that says,
"Who cares? It's only fashion."

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00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,221
That Hansel's so hot right now.

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I hear a lot of words
like "beauty" and "handsomeness"

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00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,019
and "incredibly chiselled features."

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To me, that's like a vanity,
a self-absorption,

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that I try to steer clear of.

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00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:48,360
I dig the bungee.
For me, it's just the way I live my life.

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I grip it and I rip it.
I live it with a lot of flair.

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I live it on the edge, where I gotta be.

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I wasn't like every other kid,
who dreams about being an astronaut.

160
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:03,250
I was always more interested in
what bark was made out of on a tree.

161
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,046
Richard Gere's
a real hero of mine. Sting.

162
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,881
Sting would be another person
who's a hero.

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00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,674
The music that he's created
over the years,

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I don't really listen to it,

165
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but the fact that he's making it,
I respect that.

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I care desperatety about what I do.

167
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:21,268
Do I know what product I'm selling? No.
Do I know what I'm doing today? No.

168
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,813
But I'm here,
and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

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00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,365
Over the past decade,

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00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,952
male modelling has had a shadow
cast over it by one man

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00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,620
and five syllables,

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Derek Zoolander.

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00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,669
Modelling, to me, isn't just
about being good-looking,

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or having a lot of fun and
being really, really good-looking.

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The calendar was great,

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00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,683
because it gave people a chance
to see a side of my versatility.

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00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,937
The original Greek word for model
means "misshapen ball of clay",

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00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,398
and I try to think about that every
time I get in front of a camera.

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00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,942
Three-time Male Model of the Year.

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00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,371
And the award goes to

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00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:39,805
Hansel.

182
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,770
Thank you, Lenny.

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00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,316
Wow!

184
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,903
You know, a lot of people said
winning this award

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00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,072
four years in a row couldn't happen.

186
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,658
Well, I guess I showed...

187
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,594
I think we've found
our solution, Ballstein.

188
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,680
No, not Derek.

189
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,433
He's perfect, and you know it.
Now make it happen.

190
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,355
It stings me like a fissure
in my ass, but you're right.

191
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,856
He's ready.

192
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,128
Who am I?

193
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,464
I don't know.

194
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,134
I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.

195
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,263
Hey, the results are in, amigo!

196
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,307
What's left to ponder?

197
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,895
Nice comeback!

198
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,804
I can't stand Hansel !

199
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,181
I know, right?

200
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,558
Riding in on that scooter
like he's so cool.

201
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,936
-And the way Hansel combs his hair.
-Or, like, doesn't.

202
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:37,357
It's like, "'Ex-squeeze' me,
but have you ever heard of styling gel?"

203
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,402
I'm sure Hansel's heard
of styling gel. He's a male model.

204
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,654
Earth to Brint. I was making a joke.

205
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,908
Earth to Meekus.
Duh, okay? I knew that.

206
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,285
Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did

207
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,288
'cause you were all, "Well, I'm sure
he's heard of styling gel."

208
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,415
Like you didn't know it was a joke.

209
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,294
I knew it was a joke, Meekus.
I just didn't get it right away.

210
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,922
-Earth to Brint...
-Would you guys stop it already!

211
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,675
Did you ever think that maybe
there's more to life

212
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:08,555
than being really, really, really,
ridiculously good-looking?

213
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,100
I mean, maybe we should be doing

214
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,228
something more meaningful
with our lives.

215
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,647
Like helping people.

216
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,650
Derek, what people?

217
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,862
I don't know. People who need help.

218
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:28,534
Models help people. They make them
feel good about themselves.

219
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:32,287
They also show them how to dress cool,
and wear their hair in interesting ways.

220
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,456
I guess so.

221
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,960
You know what could really help you
sort through these important issues?

222
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,127
What?

223
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:42,714
-Orange mocha frappuccino!
-Orange mocha frappuccino!

224
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,759
-Yeah !
-Yeah !

225
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,303
Come on, man ! Come on !

226
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,043
"Derek Zoolander. A model idiot."

227
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,521
-Brint!
-Huh?

228
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,731
No!

229
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:39,247
Rufus, Brint and Meekus
were like brothers to me.

230
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:43,669
And when I say brother,
I don't mean like an actual brother,

231
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,004
but I mean it like the way
black people use it,

232
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,924
which is more meaningful, I think.

233
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:53,261
If there's anything that this
horrible tragedy can teach us,

234
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:57,182
it's that a male model's life
is a precious, precious commodity.

235
00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:02,688
Just because we have chiselled abs,
and stunning features,

236
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:08,402
it doesn't mean that we too can't not die
in a freak gasoline fight accident.

237
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:13,365
So today, ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to take this opportunity,

238
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,326
to announce my...

239
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,254
Hansel. He's so hot right now. Hansel.

240
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,923
I would like to take this...

241
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,427
People!

242
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,431
I'd like to announce my retirement
from the male modelling profession.

243
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,183
What?

244
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:45,480
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life
than being really, really good-looking.

245
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,400
And I plan on finding out what that is.
Thank you.

246
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,819
Mr Mugatu ! Mr Mugatu !

247
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,113
If I could just have
a moment of your time, please, sir.

248
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,699
Just one minute of your time,
please, sir!

249
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,786
Derek? Derek, hey!

250
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,081
-What do you want?
-Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu,

251
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,250
but he's tougher to get to
than the president.

252
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,253
I thought you were gonna tell me
what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am.

253
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,504
A what?

254
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,924
A "eugoogolizer."
One who speaks at funerals.

255
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,846
Or did you think I'd be too stupid
to know what a "eugoogoly" was?

256
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,058
How could you have written
those terrible things about me?

257
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,978
Look, Derek,
my editor put that headline on it, okay?

258
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,856
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I know it came off kind of harsh.

259
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,442
Yeah, well, fortunately for you,
not too many people I know

260
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,403
read your little Time magazine,
or whatever it's called.

261
00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,614
Look, maybe you could do me a favour.

262
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,992
All I'm trying to do is get some
background information on Mugatu.

263
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,036
Mugatu? If you knew anything,

264
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,997
you'd know Mugatu's the one designer
who's never hired me.

265
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:45,373
Come on. There's gotta be...

266
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,584
Sorry, lady. Not interested.

267
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,796
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got an after funeral party to attend.

268
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,135
Go back home? You're overreacting.

269
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,554
I want to do something meaningful
with my life, Maury.

270
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,973
I have deeper thoughts on my mind.

271
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,226
The other day,
I was thinking about volunteering,

272
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,145
to help teach underprivileged children
to learn how to read.

273
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:10,857
Just thinking about it was the most
rewarding experience I've ever had.

274
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,943
Derek, I don't think you're cut out
for that kind of thing.

275
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,445
I mean, maybe I could even have
my own institute.

276
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:21,409
We could call it the Derek Zoolander
Centre for Kids Who Can't Read Good.

277
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,954
What about us?
We built this place together.

278
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,747
Look out! Tushy squeeze!

279
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,123
Maury!

280
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,376
Derek, when I met you,
you were a junior petite

281
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,586
who couldn't book
a goddamn Sears catalogue,

282
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,296
and who couldn't turn left
to save his ass.

283
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:36,424
-Now look at you.
-I can turn left!

284
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,134
Yeah, right.

285
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:40,846
Derek, please. Some male models
go left at the end of a runway,

286
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,055
others go right.

287
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:45,225
You got a lot of gifts, but hanging
a louie just isn't one of them.

288
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,601
Sit down !

289
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,438
Hey, you want to hear
some great news?

290
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,946
Mugatu wants you
for his new campaign.

291
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,199
Didn't you hear me, Maury?
I just retired.

292
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,243
But this is Mugatu, Derek.

293
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,620
Right now, this guy is so hot,

294
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:09,207
he can take a crap, wrap it in tin foil,
put a couple of fishhooks on it,

295
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:11,751
and sell it to Queen Elizabeth
as earrings.

296
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,133
Derek, you're the laughing stock
of the entire fashion world.

297
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:23,805
What do we do
when we fall off the horse?

298
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,771
We get back on.

299
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,192
Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.

300
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:40,447
I'm going back home.
I need to get in touch with my roots.

301
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,450
Figure out who I am.
See you around, Maury.

302
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,775
Hey, Pop!

303
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,115
It's me.

304
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,578
Scrappy, Luke,

305
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,790
you remember your brother, right?

306
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,500
What do you want?

307
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,545
I thought maybe I could work
the mines with you guys.

308
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,923
You know, all the Zoolander men
together again,

309
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,591
like when we were kids.

310
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,343
Times have changed, boy.

311
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,720
You wouldn't last one day
down those coal pits.

312
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:49,349
Can't you even pretend
to be happy to see me, Pop?

313
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:53,728
Damn it, Derek, I'm a coal miner, not
a professional film and television actor.

314
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:59,901
Do us all a favour and get out of here.

315
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,364
Pop, wait, please!

316
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,074
Give me a chance.

317
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,661
I won't let you down. I promise.

318
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:22,173
Hold very still. Very still.
I'm working right now. This...

319
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,050
-Ouch !
-Oh, I'm sorry.

320
00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:26,386
Did my pin get in the way of your ass?

321
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,556
Do me a favour and lose
five pounds immediately,

322
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,766
or get out of my building like now!

323
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,268
Get out!

324
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,521
I'm so tired ! No, Todd, not now!

325
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,856
It's Maury.

326
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:39,774
Tell me something good.

327
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,860
You may have to start
looking for someone else.

328
00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:45,780
There is no one else.
The show is in 10 days, Ballstein.

329
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:48,199
Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up.

330
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:51,119
He went home. He's talking
about going off to ponder

331
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,621
and tutoring underprivileged
retards or some shit.

332
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:56,666
I don't care what it takes. Get him back.

333
00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:59,044
We're running out of time. Capisce?

334
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:02,130
Yeah, I capisce.
Now if I could only ca-piss.

335
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:05,759
My prostate's flaring up
like a frickin' tiki torch.

336
00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:10,472
Give me a little pee-pee.
Come on, a couple of drops.

337
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,642
That's what I'm talking about!

338
00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,677
Surprise!

339
00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:58,645
What the hell's the matter with you?

340
00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:12,534
Pacheco back to pass.

341
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:14,369
He's feeling pressure from Pressman.

342
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,538
He's tooking for his All-American
John DeRosa, the wide receiver.

343
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,373
He's got him wide open
in the middle of the field.

344
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,041
Big rush.

345
00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:21,960
Who's winning the match?

346
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:24,295
Hits Kevin Connolly,
the tight end down in there.

347
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:25,713
State.

348
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,138
I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop.

349
00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:35,473
lt's not very well ventilated down there.

350
00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:37,976
For Christ's sake, Derek,
you've been down there one day.

351
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:40,603
Talk to me in 30 years.

352
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:54,159
Moisture is the essence of wetness,

353
00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:02,750
and wetness is the essence of beauty.

354
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:16,598
Why'd you have to come back
to this damn town?

355
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:20,143
I wanted to make a new life for myself.

356
00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:23,646
I'm sorry I was born
with this perfect bone structure.

357
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,274
That my hair looks better
done up with gel and mousse

358
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,985
than hidden under a stupid hat
with a light on it!

359
00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:33,364
All I ever wanted to do
was make you proud of me, Pop.

360
00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:36,117
With what? Your male modelling?

361
00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,369
Prancing around in your underwear

362
00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:40,455
with your wiener hanging out
for everyone to see?

363
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,127
You're dead to me, boy.

364
00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:51,674
You're more dead to me
than your dead mother.

365
00:25:53,469 --> 00:25:56,804
I just thank the Lord she didn't
live to see her son as a mermaid.

366
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:01,935
Merman.

367
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,316
Merman !

368
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,911
Who am I?

369
00:26:31,382 --> 00:26:34,050
Hello? Derek, you hearing me?

370
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,219
-God?
-God?

371
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:39,264
What the shit are you talking about?
It's me. Maury.

372
00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:41,015
I hope you're finished
touching your roots,

373
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,768
because Mugatu's making you
an offer you won't believe.

374
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:45,603
You gotta get your tuches back here.

375
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:54,404
Well, to tell you the truth,
I was a little hesitant at first, Mr Mugatu.

376
00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:58,866
I mean, you've never hired me before,
and I've been around for...

377
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:01,369
For ages and ages. You've been
around for a long, long time.

378
00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:02,662
I never wanted anything from you.

379
00:27:02,746 --> 00:27:04,914
And now that you're retired,
I can't have you.

380
00:27:04,999 --> 00:27:06,291
And it's funny how it switches like that.

381
00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:09,460
But now the forbidden fruit
must be tasted.

382
00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:12,714
Well, when Maury told me
what you were willing to do, I...

383
00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:17,385
Todd !

384
00:27:17,928 --> 00:27:21,556
Are you not aware that I get farty
and bloated with a foamy latte?

385
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,808
My mistake, Jacobim.

386
00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:25,393
Your mistake, indeed !

387
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:37,864
Yes, Derek.

388
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:42,076
What Maury said
I was willing to do for you.

389
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:45,496
Let's get back to the reason
that we're really here.

390
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,877
Without much further ado, I give you

391
00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:55,882
the Derek Zoolander Centre
for Kids Who Can't Read Good.

392
00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:07,643
What is this?

393
00:28:11,982 --> 00:28:14,025
A centre for ants?

394
00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:15,777
What?

395
00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:22,867
How can we be expected to teach
children to learn how to read,

396
00:28:22,951 --> 00:28:25,953
if they can't even fit inside the building?

397
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:30,708
-Derek, it's just a small...
-I don't want to hear your excuses!

398
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:33,628
The centre has to be at least

399
00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:37,799
three times bigger than this.

400
00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:44,180
-He's absolutely right.
-Thank you.

401
00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:46,474
I have a vision.

402
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:50,186
And so do I. Let me show you mine.

403
00:28:51,105 --> 00:28:53,815
I can't help you, lady.
I don't know nothing about Mugatu.

404
00:28:54,108 --> 00:28:56,609
But you've represented every
male model in each of his campaigns.

405
00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:58,694
You must have some kind
of a relationship with him.

406
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:00,863
Even if I did, why would I talk to you?

407
00:29:00,989 --> 00:29:04,075
Shame on you how you picked on
Derek Zoolander in that story.

408
00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:06,494
He's a sweet simpleton
who never hurt a fly.

409
00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:09,122
Please don't change the subject,
Mr Ballstein.

410
00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:12,166
What about Mugatu's exploitation
of sweatshop workers in Malaysia?

411
00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:14,669
-Do you have an opinion on that?
-You wanna hear an opinion?

412
00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:17,755
With a push-up bra, you could have
a nice rack of lamb going on there.

413
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:21,843
Let me show you the future of fashion.

414
00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:25,012
Let me show you

415
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,057
Derelicte!

416
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:30,601
It is a fashion, a way of life,

417
00:29:30,686 --> 00:29:33,604
inspired by the very homeless,
the vagrants,

418
00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:35,606
the crack whores

419
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:38,025
that make this wonderful city so unique.

420
00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:42,029
And I want you, Derek, to be the face,

421
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:46,159
the image, nay, the spirit of Derelicte!

422
00:29:47,453 --> 00:29:49,662
It'll be your glorious comeback.

423
00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:51,372
Sounds cool.

424
00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:56,127
Derek, I'd like you to meet
Katinka Ingabogovinanana.

425
00:29:56,712 --> 00:29:59,297
She'll be your day-to-day
on the campaign.

426
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:02,675
Let's get this model on his way!

427
00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:05,636
The big show is in eight days, Derek.

428
00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:12,226
Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly,
so must you become Derelicte!

429
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:14,270
So you want me to sleep in the gutter?

430
00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:17,690
No. We're sending you
to a very exclusive day spa.

431
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:22,445
So exclusive, no one knows about it.
Our little secret, okay?

432
00:30:30,621 --> 00:30:32,830
-Matilda, hey.
-Hey, Arch, what's up?

433
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:34,499
Nothing. I've just
been up for a few days,

434
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:37,502
putting together these background
articles on Mugatu you asked for.

435
00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:40,338
Wow! Very thorough, Archie. Thank you.

436
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:43,674
It's weird. I couldn't get
any info on him before 1995.

437
00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:45,009
It's like he just appeared out of the blue.

438
00:30:45,093 --> 00:30:47,345
-Really? That's strange.
-Yeah.

439
00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,724
-Matilda Jeffries.
-Keep pulling the sweater.

440
00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:55,436
-Excuse me?
-Eventually the thing will unravel.

441
00:30:56,104 --> 00:31:00,233
You mean, if you pull the thread,
the whole thing will unravel?

442
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:03,986
Now you're talking, sister.
If you want to know more, go to Pier 12.

443
00:31:04,112 --> 00:31:06,239
Things aren't what they seem.

444
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:17,959
What kind of spa is this?

445
00:31:19,253 --> 00:31:24,131
It's designed for deep, deep relaxation.
Come, let's get you loosened up.

446
00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:37,395
Good boy. Good boy.

447
00:31:37,563 --> 00:31:38,563
Good boy.

448
00:32:07,676 --> 00:32:08,926
I'm sorry.

449
00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:10,511
Derek?

450
00:32:12,389 --> 00:32:15,099
Matilda, what are you doing here?

451
00:32:15,517 --> 00:32:16,684
I was...

452
00:32:20,856 --> 00:32:24,108
What are you doing here, Derek?
I thought you quit the business.

453
00:32:24,443 --> 00:32:27,695
Haven't you heard? I'm the new face
of Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.

454
00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:34,827
What do you mean, Derek?
You said Mugatu never hires you.

455
00:32:35,037 --> 00:32:36,579
Well, I guess he changed his mind.

456
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:39,165
It's only the biggest campaign
in the world. Ever.

457
00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:42,084
What is this? Who are you?

458
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,420
This is private property. Nils!

459
00:32:48,258 --> 00:32:52,011
I suggest you and your Kmart
Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit,

460
00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:55,514
stay the hell away
from Derek Zoolander.

461
00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,231
How do you feel, Derek?

462
00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:07,860
Okay.

463
00:33:09,196 --> 00:33:10,780
When's the seaweed wrap?

464
00:33:10,864 --> 00:33:11,906
You shut up now.

465
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:15,534
I want you to relax

466
00:33:16,203 --> 00:33:19,622
and breathe deeply.

467
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,919
Breathe deeply.

468
00:33:31,677 --> 00:33:34,804
-I like this song.
-Of course you do.

469
00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:39,266
Hello, Derek.

470
00:33:39,935 --> 00:33:41,060
Hello.

471
00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:44,021
Welcome to your relaxation time.

472
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:49,318
Let this wonderful
'80s classic soothe you.

473
00:33:49,403 --> 00:33:52,405
Just a nice, warm, happy time.

474
00:33:52,614 --> 00:33:56,617
Happy, happy, happy.

475
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,456
Nothing to worry about at all.

476
00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:05,042
Just relax.

477
00:34:07,003 --> 00:34:09,714
Hey there, Derek.
My name is Lit' Kteatus.

478
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:14,343
I'm just a kid who wants you to know
the real truth about child labour laws.

479
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,470
-Okay?
-Okay.

480
00:34:16,638 --> 00:34:19,598
They're silly and outdated.
In the good old days,

481
00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:22,810
kids as young as five
could work as they pleased,

482
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,855
from textile factories to iron smelts.

483
00:34:25,939 --> 00:34:27,940
Yippee! Hooray!

484
00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:32,069
But today, the age-old right
of children to work is under attack.

485
00:34:32,821 --> 00:34:36,323
From the Philippines to Bangladesh,
in China and India,

486
00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,325
and South America, too.

487
00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:42,455
But you can help these children, Derek,

488
00:34:42,539 --> 00:34:45,499
by killing the prime minister of Malaysia.

489
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:47,668
-He is bad.
-What?

490
00:34:48,795 --> 00:34:50,838
You learn martial arts.

491
00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:55,134
Prime minister of Malaysia bad!

492
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:56,886
Martial arts good!

493
00:34:57,053 --> 00:35:01,515
Kill naughty man! Kill naughty man!
Kill naughty man!

494
00:35:02,142 --> 00:35:03,726
Obey my dog!

495
00:35:03,977 --> 00:35:06,645
On the runway, you have one objective.

496
00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:11,275
Do not be distracted
by the beautiful cetebrities.

497
00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:19,283
Do as you've been trained to do
and kill the Malaysian prime minister!

498
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:23,204
Karate chop! Bad, man! Awful man!

499
00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:26,832
In your little blue suit
and your spiky black hair. Kill!

500
00:35:26,917 --> 00:35:29,543
You're a super-hot ninja machine!

501
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:42,056
-Derek, are you in there?
-Hold your horses!

502
00:35:42,182 --> 00:35:45,518
-Derek, please open the door!
-What a cuckoo dream.

503
00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:46,602
Derek!

504
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,981
-What?
-Hey, are you okay?

505
00:35:51,066 --> 00:35:53,067
I've been trying to reach you for a week.

506
00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:55,319
A week?
What, are you having a whack attack?

507
00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:57,530
I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.

508
00:35:57,864 --> 00:35:59,365
That was last Friday.

509
00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:02,368
Earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa.

510
00:36:03,036 --> 00:36:07,414
Day. D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

511
00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:10,125
Look, I think I know what this is about,

512
00:36:10,210 --> 00:36:14,338
and I'm very complimented,
but not interested.

513
00:36:15,257 --> 00:36:17,758
-What?
-I can't sleep with you, okay?

514
00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:20,553
-My head is killing me and...
-What are you talking about?

515
00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:22,596
Okay, if you just want
to fool around a little bit...

516
00:36:22,931 --> 00:36:25,266
Hey, I don't want to sleep with you !

517
00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:27,518
I've been trying to tell you
you've been missing for a week.

518
00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:28,644
Would you look at the date.

519
00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:31,730
Mugatu's Derelicte show
is tomorrow night.

520
00:36:31,815 --> 00:36:33,983
I don't care what the date says.

521
00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:38,612
You have 1,200 messages.

522
00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:41,824
That is a bit above average.

523
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:45,119
-Derek, what happened in that spa?
-I don't know.

524
00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:47,496
A little massage, some aromatherapy.

525
00:36:47,581 --> 00:36:51,333
I mean, look, lady, you can't just
come barging into people's lofts,

526
00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:53,419
wanting sex, then changing your mind,

527
00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:55,880
then telling them that they've been
in a day spa for a week.

528
00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,007
You have been in a day spa for a week.

529
00:36:58,091 --> 00:36:59,633
So what?

530
00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:02,887
Do you understand that the world
does not revolve around you,

531
00:37:02,971 --> 00:37:05,973
and your "do whatever it takes,
ruin as many people's lives,

532
00:37:06,099 --> 00:37:08,893
"so long as you can make a name
for yourself as a investigatory journalist,

533
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,436
"no matter how many friends you lose,

534
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,188
"or people you leave dead
and bloodied along the way,

535
00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:15,065
"just so long as you can
make a name for yourself

536
00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:16,317
"as an investigatory journalist,

537
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:18,360
"no matter how many friends you lose,

538
00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:22,156
"or people you leave dead and
bloodied and dying along the way"?

539
00:37:23,992 --> 00:37:26,327
Derek, I told you I was sorry
about that article.

540
00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:28,913
Enough ! My head hurts!

541
00:37:28,997 --> 00:37:30,664
And if it indeed is
what day you claim it is,

542
00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:33,709
I have a pre-runway party to attend,
if you'll excuse me.

543
00:37:37,172 --> 00:37:39,506
-By the way...
-What?

544
00:37:39,841 --> 00:37:41,008
With your complexion,

545
00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:43,177
you really shouldn't be wearing
your hair pulled back that tight.

546
00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:45,095
What are you talking about?

547
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:46,889
It pulls back the skin on your forehead,

548
00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:48,933
creating a tension
which clogs the pores.

549
00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:51,644
That's why you have some light
pattern dryness around your scalp.

550
00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:54,021
Do you mind?

551
00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,448
Cool.

552
00:38:16,044 --> 00:38:20,798
l do not like snoopy reporter
with lack of fashion sense.

553
00:38:20,882 --> 00:38:23,384
Not one little bit.

554
00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:29,682
Hey, l just e-mailed you
all those LexisNexis searches,

555
00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:32,810
on the male models who've
appeared in Mugatu campaigns.

556
00:38:32,894 --> 00:38:36,271
It's pretty weird. It seems
like all of Mr Mugatu's models

557
00:38:36,356 --> 00:38:39,650
have a bad habit of dying young
in freak accidents.

558
00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:40,776
What?

559
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:50,494
-Wait a second.
-What?

560
00:39:00,922 --> 00:39:03,590
-Oh, shit. I gotta go.
-What's going on?

561
00:39:06,803 --> 00:39:08,804
I don't want to hang out, okay?

562
00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:11,390
I just need to speak
with Derek Zoolander, please!

563
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:14,727
I just thought the way you handled
losing that award to Hansel,

564
00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:17,521
and then you sort of laid low for a while,

565
00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:19,648
and then made your comeback...

566
00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:21,567
It was so courageous.

567
00:39:22,110 --> 00:39:23,819
Look, I gotta go pee,

568
00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,655
but I'd really like to continue
talking about this conversation

569
00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:27,865
when I come back.

570
00:39:28,116 --> 00:39:29,199
Yeah.

571
00:39:31,536 --> 00:39:34,329
-Everything cool, Derek?
-It's great, Biff. Thank you.

572
00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:38,500
Hey, Derek. You rule.

573
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:40,961
Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that.

574
00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:44,214
-Hey, Derek.
-Hey, Maurice.

575
00:39:44,340 --> 00:39:47,092
-Hey, my man.
-What's happening?

576
00:39:48,344 --> 00:39:50,262
Derek, back on top, man.

577
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,431
Thanks, Billy. You rock.

578
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,142
No, you rock. When are you gonna
drop Magnum on us, buddy?

579
00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:58,729
Not yet. Gotta tame the beast
before you let it out of its cage.

580
00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:05,694
-Excuse me, bro.
-You're excused.

581
00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:11,784
And l'm not your bro.

582
00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:18,165
Whatever, dude. Whatever.
Peace. God bless.

583
00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:22,544
Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't
get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.

584
00:40:23,171 --> 00:40:24,421
Maybe next time.

585
00:40:25,548 --> 00:40:26,799
What's that?

586
00:40:27,050 --> 00:40:30,344
Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.
Sorry you didn't book it.

587
00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:33,097
Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it.

588
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,640
Me and my friends have been too busy

589
00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:36,308
bathing off the southern coast
of St Barts,

590
00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:38,060
with spider monkeys
for the past two weeks.

591
00:40:38,394 --> 00:40:41,230
Tripping on acid changed
our whole perspective on shit.

592
00:40:41,689 --> 00:40:46,401
So l guess you can Dere-lick
my balls, cápitan.

593
00:40:49,531 --> 00:40:51,365
Would you hold this for me?

594
00:40:53,201 --> 00:40:56,912
I can Dere-lick my own balls,
thank you very much.

595
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:02,459
You think you're too cool for school.

596
00:41:03,336 --> 00:41:06,255
But I got a news flash for you,
Walter Cronkite.

597
00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:12,052
You aren't.

598
00:41:16,516 --> 00:41:19,059
Who are you trying
to get crazy with, ese?

599
00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:22,563
Don't you know I'm loco?

600
00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:26,400
Hey, I got a wacky idea.

601
00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:31,572
What say we settle this on the runway?

602
00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:35,159
Han-solo?

603
00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:44,084
Stop it.

604
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:48,005
Are you challenging me to a walk-off

605
00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:50,257
Boo-lander?

606
00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:53,385
Don't do this, Derek.

607
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,304
Listen to your friend Billy Zane.

608
00:41:56,598 --> 00:42:00,475
He's a cool dude.
He's trying to help you out.

609
00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:04,605
Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off
challenge, my friend.

610
00:42:09,319 --> 00:42:12,154
Ten minutes.
Old Members Only warehouse.

611
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,364
You oughta remember that.
You're a dinosaur.

612
00:42:14,616 --> 00:42:16,116
Let's go. Open up.

613
00:42:20,747 --> 00:42:23,457
I heard some mad stories about this kid.
He's limber. He's too limber.

614
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,626
Put a cork in it, Zane!

615
00:42:28,004 --> 00:42:30,631
It's a walk-off. Walk-off.

616
00:42:30,924 --> 00:42:33,800
This is urgent, ma'am.
Do you have any...

617
00:42:35,345 --> 00:42:38,472
Derek? Derek! Derek!

618
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:39,598
Hey, Matilda.

619
00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:41,767
What is this? Where is everyone going?

620
00:42:41,851 --> 00:42:44,102
Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass!

621
00:42:44,187 --> 00:42:45,812
Thanks, Rico. I'll try.

622
00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:48,273
You want to see the real world
of male modelling?

623
00:42:48,358 --> 00:42:51,109
The one they don't show you
in magazines or the E! channel?

624
00:42:51,194 --> 00:42:53,612
Yeah, I guess. Derek, please.

625
00:42:53,696 --> 00:42:55,781
I have something really important
to talk to you about.

626
00:42:55,865 --> 00:42:57,074
Not now, Matilda.

627
00:42:57,158 --> 00:42:59,910
Han-sell-out is about to have
his Han-sell-ass

628
00:42:59,994 --> 00:43:03,413
handed to him on a platter
with french-fried potatoes.

629
00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:06,166
Katinka, thought you might
want to know,

630
00:43:06,251 --> 00:43:08,418
your boy Zoolander's rolling.

631
00:43:08,503 --> 00:43:10,003
It's a walk-off.

632
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:34,987
All right, who's gonna call this sucker?

633
00:43:35,071 --> 00:43:36,571
If nobody has any objections,

634
00:43:38,408 --> 00:43:40,033
I believe I might be of service.

635
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:50,377
Now, this'll be a straight walk-off,
old school rules.

636
00:43:50,503 --> 00:43:53,380
First model walks,
second model duplicates,

637
00:43:53,464 --> 00:43:54,756
then elaborates.

638
00:43:55,425 --> 00:43:57,759
Okay, boys, let's go to work.

639
00:43:58,219 --> 00:44:00,304
Age before beauty, goat cheese.

640
00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:01,763
Whatever.

641
00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:06,184
Right.

642
00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:37,758
Playschool, baby.

643
00:45:08,414 --> 00:45:10,540
You got to cut me. I can't see.
I'm blind out there.

644
00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:11,625
Evian. Evian.

645
00:45:15,088 --> 00:45:16,713
It's okay. It's okay.

646
00:45:30,228 --> 00:45:31,978
-Where am I? Where am I?
-It's okay.

647
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:35,899
-Kickin', Hoss.
-I'm going monk.

648
00:45:37,777 --> 00:45:40,445
I got to go monk. Prayer. Prayer.

649
00:45:40,530 --> 00:45:41,738
Pray to the Great Spirit.

650
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,674
Do it, Hansel. Just do it. Do it, Hansel.

651
00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:05,512
Why is he sticking his hand
in his pants?

652
00:46:08,683 --> 00:46:09,683
Do it, Hansel.

653
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:30,287
That's what I'm talking about.

654
00:46:30,371 --> 00:46:34,749
Derek, you're not a kid any more.
You could hurt yourself out there.

655
00:46:37,378 --> 00:46:39,045
I can do this, Tyson.

656
00:46:49,724 --> 00:46:52,058
Thank God I wore underwear today.

657
00:47:01,027 --> 00:47:02,152
He's going for it.

658
00:47:23,799 --> 00:47:25,258
Oh, my God.

659
00:47:35,311 --> 00:47:36,603
Disqualified.

660
00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,195
Derek, come on. Come on.

661
00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:46,988
Come on.

662
00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:49,032
What's going on?

663
00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:51,201
I think Katinka wants to kill you.

664
00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:55,956
Good. I deserve to die if I can't
beat Han-suck-ass in a walk-off.

665
00:47:56,791 --> 00:47:58,208
Derek, that's not true.

666
00:47:58,834 --> 00:48:01,628
The guy had to miraculously
pull his underwear out of his butt

667
00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:02,963
just to beat you.

668
00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:07,842
And all he had to do was turn left.

669
00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:11,888
What do you mean?

670
00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:14,015
I'm not an ambi-turner.

671
00:48:15,476 --> 00:48:17,686
It's a problem I had since I was a baby.

672
00:48:18,688 --> 00:48:20,063
I can't turn left.

673
00:48:21,190 --> 00:48:23,984
Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

674
00:48:24,277 --> 00:48:27,279
I'm sure there are a lot of people
out there who can't turn...

675
00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,910
I mean, there have got to be
some people out there,

676
00:48:33,995 --> 00:48:36,663
just like you, who can't turn...

677
00:48:37,164 --> 00:48:39,833
Turn left.

678
00:48:41,919 --> 00:48:42,919
Hello.

679
00:48:43,004 --> 00:48:45,755
If you want answers,
come to Saint Adonis Cemetery now.

680
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:47,799
Wait! Wait! Wait! Who are you?

681
00:48:48,509 --> 00:48:49,509
Who was that?

682
00:48:49,594 --> 00:48:52,762
I'm not sure.
I have to get to Saint Adonis Cemetery.

683
00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:54,264
Listen, I'm gonna take you
to my apartment, okay?

684
00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:56,099
You can stay there until I get back.

685
00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:57,851
Can I come with?

686
00:48:58,853 --> 00:49:00,770
I don't want to be alone tonight.

687
00:49:13,075 --> 00:49:14,701
Pedro Scialfa.

688
00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:18,288
He died when he was 29.

689
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,209
Vin Correjo.

690
00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:27,881
"Derriere Extraordinaire."

691
00:49:31,927 --> 00:49:34,679
92 minus 63.

692
00:49:35,431 --> 00:49:37,390
None of them ever made it past 30.

693
00:49:38,851 --> 00:49:39,851
I did.

694
00:49:41,479 --> 00:49:42,520
Who are you?

695
00:49:43,898 --> 00:49:45,190
It's not important.

696
00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,108
Are you a ghost?

697
00:49:49,445 --> 00:49:51,237
He called, Derek.

698
00:49:52,156 --> 00:49:53,573
Let's take a walk.

699
00:49:54,450 --> 00:49:58,119
You think Zoolander's in trouble?
Think again.

700
00:49:58,496 --> 00:50:01,581
What you've stumbled upon goes way
deeper than you could ever fathom.

701
00:50:02,124 --> 00:50:04,167
The fashion industry has been behind,

702
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:08,421
every major political assassination
over the last 200 years.

703
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:12,967
And behind every hit,
a card-carrying male model.

704
00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:14,844
Okay, that's impossible.

705
00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:17,764
Oh, yeah? Listen and learn, sweetness.

706
00:50:17,973 --> 00:50:20,684
Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish
slavery, right?

707
00:50:20,768 --> 00:50:22,185
But who do you think made
the powdered wigs

708
00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:25,355
and coloured leg stockings,
worn by our country's early leaders?

709
00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:28,441
Mugatu !

710
00:50:30,486 --> 00:50:31,903
Slaves, Derek.

711
00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,492
Without their free labour, prices on
such items would have gone up tenfold.

712
00:50:37,660 --> 00:50:40,537
So the powers that be
hired John Wilkes Booth,

713
00:50:40,621 --> 00:50:43,957
the originat model/actor,
to do Mr Lincoln in.

714
00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,127
I'll go on.

715
00:50:47,420 --> 00:50:50,255
Dallas, Texas, 1963.

716
00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:52,882
Kennedy had just put
a trade embargo on Cuba,

717
00:50:52,967 --> 00:50:56,678
ostensibly halting the shipment
of Cuban-manufactured slacks.

718
00:50:56,804 --> 00:50:58,471
Incredibly popular item at the time.

719
00:50:58,806 --> 00:51:01,015
Lee Harvey Oswald
was not a male model.

720
00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:02,142
You're God damn right he wasn't.

721
00:51:02,226 --> 00:51:03,768
But those two lookers
who capped Kennedy

722
00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:05,729
from the grassy knoll sure as shit were.

723
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:08,773
Well, what about you?

724
00:51:08,858 --> 00:51:10,442
How do you fit in to all this?

725
00:51:11,110 --> 00:51:12,318
This nation was swept...

726
00:51:13,279 --> 00:51:14,654
I'll get it, ma'am.

727
00:51:20,327 --> 00:51:22,495
I can't get over...

728
00:51:22,872 --> 00:51:23,997
Wait a minute.

729
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,001
-No.
-I know that hand.

730
00:51:29,962 --> 00:51:33,214
It was in the fall 1973
Bulova watch catalogue.

731
00:51:35,176 --> 00:51:36,468
You're J. P. Prewitt.

732
00:51:38,387 --> 00:51:40,263
The world's greatest hand model.

733
00:51:41,974 --> 00:51:45,727
Once upon a time. But things change.

734
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:48,271
Thanks to this homemade
hyperbaric chamber,

735
00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:50,106
my sweet baby never did.

736
00:51:52,151 --> 00:51:54,027
Let's keep moving.

737
00:51:54,695 --> 00:51:58,323
And that's when I found out I was in line
to assassinate Jimmy Carter.

738
00:51:58,407 --> 00:52:01,534
-So, how did you manage to escape?
-Because I'm a hand model, mama.

739
00:52:02,411 --> 00:52:04,120
A finger jockey.
We don't think the same way

740
00:52:04,205 --> 00:52:06,289
as the face and body boys do.

741
00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:09,626
-We're a different breed.
-So why male models?

742
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:11,127
Think about it, Derek.

743
00:52:11,879 --> 00:52:15,215
Male models are genetically
constructed to become assassins.

744
00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:17,258
They're in peak physical condition.

745
00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:23,056
They can gain entry to
the most secure places in the world.

746
00:52:25,267 --> 00:52:28,770
And most important of all,
models don't think for themselves.

747
00:52:28,854 --> 00:52:32,065
-They do as they're told.
-That is not true.

748
00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:34,234
-Yes, it is, Derek.
-Okay.

749
00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:38,404
Yeah. Think about any photo shoot
you've ever been on.

750
00:52:39,698 --> 00:52:41,950
You're a monkey, Derek!
You're a monkey.

751
00:52:42,034 --> 00:52:44,953
Dance, monkey,
in your little spangly shoes!

752
00:52:45,037 --> 00:52:47,622
Mash your cymbals, chimpy!
Dance, Derek, dance!

753
00:52:48,707 --> 00:52:50,166
Good point.

754
00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:53,002
But if this has been going on
for so long, Mugatu...

755
00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:54,963
He's just a punk-ass errand boy,

756
00:52:55,047 --> 00:52:57,549
working for an international
syndicate of fashion designers.

757
00:52:58,008 --> 00:53:00,760
You do a little background check
on your Mr Mugatu.

758
00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:04,931
You'll find that he sold his soul to
the devil for a shot at the big time.

759
00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:07,475
But why male models?

760
00:53:12,273 --> 00:53:15,984
Are you serious? I just...
l just told you that a moment ago.

761
00:53:16,694 --> 00:53:17,694
Right.

762
00:53:17,778 --> 00:53:21,155
You're a killing machine, Derek.
They've programmed you.

763
00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:23,074
But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody.

764
00:53:23,158 --> 00:53:24,367
It's not up to you.

765
00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:26,286
At the proper moment,
they'll trigger you,

766
00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:28,079
usually using some kind of auditory

767
00:53:28,163 --> 00:53:30,290
or visual Pavlovian
response mechanism.

768
00:53:30,374 --> 00:53:33,001
-"Audi-what-ey"?
-And when it's over...

769
00:53:35,254 --> 00:53:36,254
What?

770
00:53:37,756 --> 00:53:39,299
There's an after party?

771
00:53:41,135 --> 00:53:42,468
Derek, get down !

772
00:53:45,723 --> 00:53:48,182
You got to get to
Maury Ballstein's computer.

773
00:53:48,601 --> 00:53:52,645
He recorded everything
in case they ever turned on him.

774
00:53:54,773 --> 00:53:57,066
Derek, get a grip! Get a grip!

775
00:53:57,151 --> 00:54:01,613
Good luck to you, Derek.
I've always been a fan of Blue Steel.

776
00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:04,741
And I hear Magnum
is gonna blow us all away.

777
00:54:05,993 --> 00:54:07,076
Come on !

778
00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:10,830
-Get out of here.
-Hang in there, J. P.

779
00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:14,334
You freakin' idiot!

780
00:54:18,964 --> 00:54:20,548
Man, that was close.

781
00:54:20,633 --> 00:54:22,967
I can't believe Maury's in on it, too.

782
00:54:23,052 --> 00:54:25,386
That she-male Katinka's
not messing around.

783
00:54:25,471 --> 00:54:27,096
You're telling me! For a second there,

784
00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,432
I thought someone was gonna
be reading our "eugoogoly."

785
00:54:29,516 --> 00:54:31,851
Okay, all right, we need a place to hide.

786
00:54:31,936 --> 00:54:34,646
Derek, where's the last place anyone
would ever expect to look for you?

787
00:54:35,064 --> 00:54:36,272
I don't know.

788
00:54:36,357 --> 00:54:38,650
Think, okay? This is important!

789
00:54:44,365 --> 00:54:45,615
I hate Hansel !

790
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:49,035
Hansel, Hansel ! Everywhere I look!
Hansel ! Hansel, Hansel !

791
00:54:59,171 --> 00:55:00,797
Were you looking for a rematch?

792
00:55:01,966 --> 00:55:03,007
Excuse me, Hansel.

793
00:55:03,092 --> 00:55:05,009
I don't think there's an easy way
to put this,

794
00:55:05,094 --> 00:55:06,719
so I am just gonna lay it out.

795
00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:09,889
Derek has been brainwashed

796
00:55:11,141 --> 00:55:13,518
to kill the prime minister of Malaysia.

797
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:15,561
And?

798
00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:20,191
And we need a place to hide
until we figure this whole thing out.

799
00:55:20,275 --> 00:55:22,068
Derek said this would probably be

800
00:55:22,152 --> 00:55:24,112
the last place
anyone would look for him.

801
00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:27,907
Yeah, you're cool to hide here.

802
00:55:28,951 --> 00:55:31,285
But first, me and him
got to straighten some shit out.

803
00:55:33,330 --> 00:55:34,414
Fine.

804
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:42,213
Why you been acting
so messed up towards me?

805
00:55:48,429 --> 00:55:49,762
Well, you go first.

806
00:55:51,056 --> 00:55:53,057
I don't know. Maybe I felt
a little threatened or something,

807
00:55:53,142 --> 00:55:56,102
'cause your career
is, kind of, just blossoming,

808
00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:58,855
and mine's, kind of,
winding down or whatever.

809
00:55:58,939 --> 00:56:01,607
And I felt like,
"This guy's really hurting me,"

810
00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:04,318
and it hurt.

811
00:56:06,613 --> 00:56:09,699
And I felt like when you told me
to Dere-lick my balls,

812
00:56:09,783 --> 00:56:11,159
that really hurt.

813
00:56:11,452 --> 00:56:14,871
Maybe I was scared, man.
You're Derek Zoolander!

814
00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:18,708
Yeah, you're Derek Zoolander.

815
00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:20,376
You know what it's like
to be another model

816
00:56:20,461 --> 00:56:22,962
and be in Derek Zoolander's shadow?

817
00:56:27,509 --> 00:56:29,135
You want to hear something crazy?

818
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,390
Your work

819
00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:38,144
in the winter '95
International Male catalogue

820
00:56:43,901 --> 00:56:45,860
made me want to be a model.

821
00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:51,657
I freakin' worship you, man.

822
00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:56,120
l'm sorry l was whack.

823
00:56:56,747 --> 00:57:00,124
I was whack.

824
00:57:09,593 --> 00:57:11,094
So welcome to chez Hansel.

825
00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:13,262
You're welcome to hide out here
as long as you want.

826
00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,848
Well, there isn't much time.
The show's tomorrow night.

827
00:57:15,933 --> 00:57:17,683
We have to figure out a plan by then.

828
00:57:19,394 --> 00:57:21,646
I'll round up the troops here.

829
00:57:22,022 --> 00:57:24,982
Hey, what's up, y'all?
This is Derek and Matilda.

830
00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:27,360
Derek, you know Natani and Chloe.

831
00:57:27,486 --> 00:57:28,486
Hi !

832
00:57:28,695 --> 00:57:32,073
We got Buzzy Sullivan,
big wave surfer from Maverick's.

833
00:57:32,157 --> 00:57:33,116
Hey, bra.

834
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,576
This is this fantastic band,
the Little Kings,

835
00:57:35,661 --> 00:57:37,870
I met when I was ice sailing in Finland.

836
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,414
That's my Sherpa, Lapsang.

837
00:57:40,499 --> 00:57:43,042
Okay, so, hey, everybody!
Listen up for a second.

838
00:57:44,711 --> 00:57:47,588
Derek and Matilda are in hiding
'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek,

839
00:57:47,673 --> 00:57:49,757
to off the prime minister of Micronesia.

840
00:57:49,842 --> 00:57:51,634
-Malaysia.
-Right.

841
00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:54,137
So, they're gonna be hiding here
for a little while.

842
00:57:54,221 --> 00:57:55,429
Let's show them a good time.

843
00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:57,974
-Right on !
-All right, come on, over here.

844
00:57:58,267 --> 00:58:00,393
Hey, Ennui, will you do me a favour?

845
00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:02,478
Will you get me some of that tea
that me and Lapsang got,

846
00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:04,147
when we were free climbing
the Mayan ruins?

847
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:14,073
This... This is really strong tea.

848
00:58:15,409 --> 00:58:17,201
No, it's just right. Trust me.

849
00:58:17,286 --> 00:58:19,912
What with all the intrigue
you guys have been dealing with.

850
00:58:20,706 --> 00:58:24,709
You know, Matilda, I'm surprised
you're so worried about "Der-rock."

851
00:58:26,253 --> 00:58:28,004
From that article that I read,
it seems like

852
00:58:28,088 --> 00:58:30,798
you don't really care too much
about guys in our line of work.

853
00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:34,093
Why do you hate models, Matilda?

854
00:58:35,304 --> 00:58:37,597
-Honestly?
-Yes.

855
00:58:39,099 --> 00:58:43,936
I think they're vain, stupid
and incredibly self-centred.

856
00:58:45,022 --> 00:58:46,606
I totally agree with you.

857
00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:50,943
But how do you feel
about male models?

858
00:58:51,278 --> 00:58:52,528
Sweet.

859
00:58:54,948 --> 00:58:59,160
No, no! Okay, but seriously, Matil.
Is it all right if I call you Matil?

860
00:59:01,205 --> 00:59:02,914
What's the deal, yo-yo?

861
00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:05,458
'Cause you're not telling us
the whole story.

862
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:07,460
There's something else, isn't there?

863
00:59:07,794 --> 00:59:09,879
You guys really want to know the truth?

864
00:59:09,963 --> 00:59:13,341
-Yeah.
-Okay, then I'm gonna tell you the truth.

865
00:59:15,677 --> 00:59:20,932
When I was in seventh grade,
I was the fat kid in my class.

866
00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:27,396
All right, forget it.

867
00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:30,399
-No.
-Dude, be cool tonight. Come on.

868
00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:32,944
I'm sorry. Please, go ahead.
My mistake.

869
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:36,948
I was the one that
all the pretty girls used to make fun of.

870
00:59:37,032 --> 00:59:39,867
It was an awkward phase.

871
00:59:42,204 --> 00:59:44,080
Anyway,

872
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:46,916
every day after school,
I would come home and...

873
00:59:48,001 --> 00:59:52,255
You know, I'd flip through the pages
of my mom's Vogue and Glamour.

874
00:59:52,339 --> 00:59:55,508
And I just...

875
00:59:55,592 --> 00:59:56,926
I'd look at these women,

876
00:59:57,010 --> 01:00:00,846
these perfect, beautiful,

877
01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:04,517
just unbelievable, skinny women.

878
01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:06,852
I just couldn't...

879
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:09,897
Oh, I couldn't understand
why I didn't look like them.

880
01:00:11,358 --> 01:00:13,943
I... I just didn't get it. So...

881
01:00:16,822 --> 01:00:20,032
So I became...

882
01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:24,745
What?

883
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:29,208
Bulimic.

884
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,587
You can read minds?

885
01:00:41,722 --> 01:00:44,598
It's when you throw up after every meal.

886
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:49,562
See, you know what? This is exactly
what you models do to people.

887
01:00:49,688 --> 01:00:51,814
You make them feel bad
about themselves.

888
01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:52,898
Matilda...

889
01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:55,359
Matilda, it's just...

890
01:00:56,695 --> 01:01:00,448
So what? I throw up after lots of meals.

891
01:01:00,782 --> 01:01:04,285
So do I. lt's a great way
to lose pounds before a show.

892
01:01:04,911 --> 01:01:08,122
Are you guys insane?
Do you understand that it's a disease.

893
01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:11,917
Wow. How did that affect you with guys?
Did they not want to get busy with you?

894
01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:14,378
-Good point.
-Okay. You know what?

895
01:01:14,463 --> 01:01:19,091
I'm not gonna sit here with both of you
and discuss my sex life or...

896
01:01:21,261 --> 01:01:23,763
Or lack thereof.

897
01:01:25,599 --> 01:01:28,184
You mean, like, like you, like you...

898
01:01:28,268 --> 01:01:29,935
-Haven't really...
-You haven't...

899
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:32,772
-Done it...
-Done it in a while, yeah.

900
01:01:33,106 --> 01:01:35,649
Okay, what's a while? Like, eight days?

901
01:01:38,028 --> 01:01:39,111
More?

902
01:01:41,281 --> 01:01:44,116
Try a couple years.

903
01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:46,452
Oh, snap!

904
01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:49,497
How do you live? How do you live?

905
01:01:49,581 --> 01:01:52,291
Seriously. Do you service yourself
ten times a day?

906
01:01:53,085 --> 01:01:55,669
-End of discussion !
-Easy. Okay, hold on.

907
01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:57,213
-Easy, easy.
-I'm not comfortable talking,

908
01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:59,006
-Easy. Easy.
-This is...

909
01:02:00,300 --> 01:02:02,343
This has been an emotional day
for all of us.

910
01:02:07,140 --> 01:02:09,517
I think we should get naked.

911
01:02:09,601 --> 01:02:10,601
What?

912
01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:12,686
Don't ask questions.

913
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,940
Just give in to the power of the tea.

914
01:02:59,025 --> 01:03:00,943
So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius,

915
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:04,071
when suddenly I slip and I start to fall.

916
01:03:04,156 --> 01:03:06,073
I mean, I'm about to die.
Hot bread, Zeke.

917
01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:10,536
Just falling. I'll never forget the terror.

918
01:03:10,662 --> 01:03:14,290
When suddenly I remember,
"Holy shit. Hansel,

919
01:03:14,374 --> 01:03:17,126
"haven't you been smoking peyote
for six straight days?

920
01:03:17,210 --> 01:03:19,962
"And couldn't some of this,
maybe, be in your mind?"

921
01:03:20,046 --> 01:03:21,380
And?

922
01:03:22,674 --> 01:03:25,176
It was. I was totally fine.

923
01:03:25,385 --> 01:03:27,386
I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

924
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:30,306
Cool story, Hansel.

925
01:03:30,682 --> 01:03:31,765
Thanks, Olaf.

926
01:03:33,351 --> 01:03:35,644
Dude, how dope was last night?

927
01:03:35,729 --> 01:03:38,063
I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying.

928
01:03:38,190 --> 01:03:40,691
You couldn't see anything.
It was like, who's that?

929
01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:43,694
-Who's this?
-I think I'm falling for Matilda, Hansel.

930
01:03:44,529 --> 01:03:47,114
Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything,

931
01:03:47,199 --> 01:03:50,451
but it was crazy energy flying
back and forth between you guys.

932
01:03:50,535 --> 01:03:52,119
It was like, look out!

933
01:03:52,204 --> 01:03:53,829
There was a moment last night,

934
01:03:53,914 --> 01:03:56,165
when she was sandwiched between
the two Finnish dwarves

935
01:03:56,249 --> 01:03:57,333
and the Maori tribesman...

936
01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:00,586
-Yeah.
-...where I thought,

937
01:04:00,795 --> 01:04:05,466
"Wow, I could really spend the rest
of my life with this woman."

938
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:07,801
Really?

939
01:04:08,386 --> 01:04:10,304
What do you call that?

940
01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:13,098
l think you call that love, D-Bone.

941
01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:18,729
Hey!

942
01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:20,439
So what time is it?

943
01:04:20,774 --> 01:04:23,067
-Almost 5:00.
-What?

944
01:04:23,318 --> 01:04:25,903
Hey, guys, that show is in three hours.

945
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:29,114
Derek is dead unless
we get that evidence. Do you guys...

946
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:33,452
Easy. How about a
"Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel.

947
01:04:34,037 --> 01:04:36,080
"Thanks for the freak fest last night"?

948
01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:40,834
-Hello?
-Hello?

949
01:04:42,170 --> 01:04:43,379
Hi, Katinka.

950
01:04:44,422 --> 01:04:47,007
No, I just had a really late
party night last night.

951
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,885
-Derek, hang up the phone now!
-Where am I?

952
01:04:49,970 --> 01:04:50,928
-Look, I have to go!
-Hang up!

953
01:04:51,012 --> 01:04:52,513
But I'll see you at 7:00. Okay, bye.

954
01:04:52,597 --> 01:04:55,140
Derek, I thought I told you
to turn off your phone.

955
01:04:55,892 --> 01:05:00,896
Turn off my phone?

956
01:05:00,981 --> 01:05:02,898
-Yeah.
-Earth to Matilda.

957
01:05:02,983 --> 01:05:05,734
This phone is as much
a part of me as...

958
01:05:05,819 --> 01:05:09,655
You know what? Can we just cut it out
with all the "Earth to's", please?

959
01:05:09,739 --> 01:05:12,658
We're not actually saying
this is the Earth calling you, Matilda.

960
01:05:12,742 --> 01:05:16,161
Yeah. No, I got that.
I understand you don't literally mean...

961
01:05:16,246 --> 01:05:18,122
No, I don't think you do.

962
01:05:18,498 --> 01:05:22,126
Listen. It's not like we think that
we're actually in a control tower,

963
01:05:22,210 --> 01:05:25,629
trying to reach outer space
aliens or something, okay?

964
01:05:25,797 --> 01:05:29,508
Hello.

965
01:05:30,510 --> 01:05:33,554
-Oh, snap!
-A joke.

966
01:05:34,306 --> 01:05:35,764
Okay, you know what?

967
01:05:35,849 --> 01:05:39,268
Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try
to figure out a way into Maury's,

968
01:05:39,352 --> 01:05:41,562
before Derek assassinates
a world leader.

969
01:05:44,232 --> 01:05:45,357
Wait a minute.

970
01:05:46,234 --> 01:05:47,610
I might just have an idea.

971
01:05:48,987 --> 01:05:51,196
They'll be looking for us
at Maury's, right?

972
01:05:52,032 --> 01:05:53,741
But they won't be looking for...

973
01:05:56,036 --> 01:05:57,036
Not us.

974
01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:59,371
Derek, what are you talking about?

975
01:06:00,540 --> 01:06:02,541
Hansel, do you have a cosmetics case?

976
01:06:02,626 --> 01:06:05,502
Sure, I mean,
just for touch-ups or whatever.

977
01:06:05,587 --> 01:06:07,129
What are you gonna do with that?

978
01:06:08,214 --> 01:06:10,549
That'll do. Early in my career,

979
01:06:10,634 --> 01:06:12,843
I used to do my own makeup
styling and tailoring.

980
01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:15,137
If I can create a basic disguise for us,

981
01:06:15,221 --> 01:06:17,723
we may just be able to
sneak into Maury's, undetected.

982
01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:22,061
You is talkin' loco and I like it.

983
01:06:43,667 --> 01:06:50,756
Welcome to Derelicte.

984
01:06:53,426 --> 01:06:55,052
Hansel calling Matil.
Hansel calling Matil.

985
01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:56,178
We have entry. Repeat.

986
01:06:56,262 --> 01:06:58,263
-We have entry.
-Okay, guys. I hear you.

987
01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:01,100
Now, once you get the info,
l want you to e-mail it to my office

988
01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,434
and I'll download the files,

989
01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,770
we'll rendezvous
and take the information to the police.

990
01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:06,188
We hear you loud and clear.

991
01:07:08,775 --> 01:07:09,900
Listen, Matil.

992
01:07:10,485 --> 01:07:12,820
l've been thinking a lot
about that bulimia thing.

993
01:07:13,321 --> 01:07:16,865
And I want you to know I understand
where you're coming from.

994
01:07:17,617 --> 01:07:21,036
I feel really bad that
good-looking people like us,

995
01:07:21,121 --> 01:07:23,288
made you throw up
and feel bad about yourself.

996
01:07:24,207 --> 01:07:25,416
For serious.

997
01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:29,795
-Thanks, Derek. Now, hurry up.
-Okay.

998
01:07:31,131 --> 01:07:32,506
Hey, I finally got the results

999
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:35,467
on the name check you asked for
on Jacobim Mugatu.

1000
01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:38,345
-Or should I say Jacob Moogberg.
-What?

1001
01:07:38,430 --> 01:07:40,848
He changed his name
when he went into the fashion business.

1002
01:07:41,099 --> 01:07:43,726
Apparently, the guy was
the original guitar synth player,

1003
01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:45,436
for that band
Frankie Goes to Hollywood,

1004
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,020
but he got kicked out,
before they hit it big

1005
01:07:47,105 --> 01:07:48,814
with that song Relax.

1006
01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,774
After the Frankie folks
gave him the heave-ho,

1007
01:07:50,859 --> 01:07:53,152
he held a series of odd jobs until,

1008
01:07:53,236 --> 01:07:57,573
get this, he invented
the piano-key necktie in 1985.

1009
01:07:57,991 --> 01:08:00,033
The guy's been
a fashion designer ever since.

1010
01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:07,249
First obstacle.

1011
01:08:11,171 --> 01:08:12,921
You ever use one of these?

1012
01:08:13,006 --> 01:08:14,465
I don't think so.

1013
01:08:16,301 --> 01:08:19,094
Watch out. Watch...
Fix that hem, Jason.

1014
01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:21,346
Please. I need... Katinka!

1015
01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,932
He's not here yet, Jacobim.

1016
01:08:24,017 --> 01:08:27,144
-That little toad-face better show.
-He will show.

1017
01:08:27,228 --> 01:08:30,189
Good, because
I'm a hot little potato right now.

1018
01:08:32,275 --> 01:08:34,485
There must be
an "on" button somewhere.

1019
01:08:34,861 --> 01:08:36,653
Did you press that apple thing?

1020
01:09:24,077 --> 01:09:25,619
Wait! Hansel !

1021
01:09:26,329 --> 01:09:27,663
Let's not lose our cool.

1022
01:09:27,747 --> 01:09:29,206
Then we're no better than the machine.

1023
01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,710
lt's almost 7:00. I got to go.

1024
01:09:33,795 --> 01:09:36,213
No! Derek. Der, wait.

1025
01:09:36,297 --> 01:09:38,674
If you go, they'll make you kill
that Eurasian dude.

1026
01:09:38,758 --> 01:09:41,885
I don't care, Hansel. I've never
been late for a show in my life.

1027
01:09:42,262 --> 01:09:43,804
I don't plan on starting now.

1028
01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:45,889
Damn it, you're right.

1029
01:09:46,766 --> 01:09:48,600
Do me a favour.

1030
01:09:48,685 --> 01:09:51,144
If anything happens to me,
I want you to give this to Matilda.

1031
01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:54,731
-No.
-Please, Hansel. Take it. Please.

1032
01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:56,775
-Man.
-Take it.

1033
01:09:59,112 --> 01:10:03,198
Let's just say I'll hold on
to it till you get back.

1034
01:10:03,950 --> 01:10:05,617
Go! Go!

1035
01:10:06,452 --> 01:10:08,537
We're live at the Derelicte show,

1036
01:10:08,621 --> 01:10:11,081
where controversial designer
Jacobim Mugatu,

1037
01:10:11,165 --> 01:10:12,624
has extended the olive branch

1038
01:10:12,709 --> 01:10:14,835
to the Malaysian
Prime Minister Hassan,

1039
01:10:14,919 --> 01:10:17,129
making him the guest of honour
at tonight's show.

1040
01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:20,924
And starring in that show,
veteran supermodel Derek Zootander.

1041
01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:27,556
Guys, what's happening?
Did you find the files?

1042
01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:28,974
Matilda, we've got problems.

1043
01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:30,893
Derek's already left for the show.

1044
01:10:30,977 --> 01:10:33,604
No. No, he can't.
We don't even know what the trigger is.

1045
01:10:33,688 --> 01:10:36,273
He just went running out of here.
I couldn't stop him.

1046
01:10:36,733 --> 01:10:39,192
-I'll call him on his phone.
-He doesn't have it.

1047
01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,236
-What?
-Yeah, he doesn't have it.

1048
01:10:41,321 --> 01:10:43,447
What are you talking about?
He always has it.

1049
01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:46,783
-No, he gave it to me.
-Did you find the files?

1050
01:10:46,868 --> 01:10:49,077
I don't even know what they...
What do they look like?

1051
01:10:49,162 --> 01:10:50,662
They're in the computer.

1052
01:10:50,747 --> 01:10:52,956
They're in the computer?

1053
01:10:53,291 --> 01:10:56,126
Yeah, they're definitely in there.
I just don't know how he labelled them.

1054
01:10:56,210 --> 01:10:58,587
-I got it.
-You got to figure it out.

1055
01:10:58,713 --> 01:11:00,213
We're running out of time, Hansel,

1056
01:11:00,298 --> 01:11:02,466
you got to find them
and meet me at the show.

1057
01:11:02,550 --> 01:11:03,926
Roger.

1058
01:11:05,053 --> 01:11:06,887
In the computer.

1059
01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:09,431
It's so simple.

1060
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:13,435
Hey, I just cut up
a couple of cantaloupe halves,

1061
01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:15,270
with some cottage cheese,
if you're hungry.

1062
01:11:15,355 --> 01:11:17,940
Not the right time.
I need to figure out this trigger

1063
01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:20,484
before Derek kills
the Malaysian prime minister.

1064
01:11:20,568 --> 01:11:23,320
You just seem a little tense.
I was trying to help you relax.

1065
01:11:23,404 --> 01:11:26,657
Relax? The last thing
I need to do right now is...

1066
01:11:29,369 --> 01:11:31,161
-That's it.
-Let's go, people!

1067
01:11:31,245 --> 01:11:34,706
Let's go! Vagrants and whores,
you're wanted in Makeup!

1068
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:36,708
Runaways and street hustlers,
you're next!

1069
01:11:37,126 --> 01:11:39,795
-You had us worried, Derek.
-Everything's cool.

1070
01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:42,839
-l'm really super psyched for the show.
-Good.

1071
01:11:43,299 --> 01:11:46,593
Just remember, relax.

1072
01:11:47,387 --> 01:11:48,679
Two minutes, Derek.

1073
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:52,099
There he is.

1074
01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:55,560
I just want to wish you good luck.

1075
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:58,563
Don't you mean "Good-bye"?

1076
01:11:59,065 --> 01:12:00,399
What are you talking?

1077
01:12:04,612 --> 01:12:06,571
I know it was you, Maury.

1078
01:12:06,698 --> 01:12:08,240
I know it was you,

1079
01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:10,075
and it breaks my heart.

1080
01:12:10,868 --> 01:12:12,703
Derek, l don't know what you're talking.

1081
01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:18,083
Derek, I'm...

1082
01:12:20,712 --> 01:12:21,962
I'm sorry.

1083
01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:31,054
Glad you could join us, Kmart.

1084
01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:34,433
Lucky for you, there is no dress code.

1085
01:12:36,310 --> 01:12:38,770
I am vile spew

1086
01:12:38,855 --> 01:12:40,689
of the wretched masses.

1087
01:12:41,024 --> 01:12:45,193
I am really, really dirty.

1088
01:12:45,445 --> 01:12:48,238
I am Derelicte!

1089
01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:05,088
You make me sick
to my stomach, Jaco.

1090
01:13:06,799 --> 01:13:08,675
It'll all be over soon.

1091
01:13:08,760 --> 01:13:11,803
Derek Zoolander will be dead
and you'll be fine.

1092
01:13:12,638 --> 01:13:14,056
You always are.

1093
01:13:14,140 --> 01:13:15,265
Come on, Derek. You're on.

1094
01:13:17,977 --> 01:13:19,519
Break a leg, Derek.

1095
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:52,677
Derek...

1096
01:13:53,679 --> 01:13:54,888
It's Relax!

1097
01:13:54,972 --> 01:13:55,972
I hate you.

1098
01:13:56,057 --> 01:13:58,558
I'm fine.
I've done this a thousand times.

1099
01:13:59,894 --> 01:14:01,228
The trigger! It's...

1100
01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:15,617
Concentrate, Derelicte.

1101
01:14:16,869 --> 01:14:20,288
Do not be distracted
by the beautiful celebrities.

1102
01:14:20,373 --> 01:14:22,040
Celebrities.

1103
01:14:28,464 --> 01:14:33,051
Do what you've been trained to do
and kill the Malaysian prime minister!

1104
01:14:47,191 --> 01:14:48,650
Just do it already!

1105
01:14:58,578 --> 01:14:59,744
D-Bone, I got your back!

1106
01:15:00,955 --> 01:15:01,997
What?

1107
01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:06,126
It's that damn Hansel !

1108
01:15:06,419 --> 01:15:07,794
He's so hot right now!

1109
01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:10,922
Popping and locking, fool !

1110
01:15:13,926 --> 01:15:15,510
They're break-dance fighting.

1111
01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:23,411
Derek Zoolander just tried to kill
the prime minister of Malaysia.

1112
01:16:26,165 --> 01:16:28,750
That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone.

1113
01:16:28,834 --> 01:16:30,335
Mugatu's a dick!

1114
01:16:30,920 --> 01:16:34,005
He tried to brainwash Derek
to kill the Claymation dude.

1115
01:16:36,175 --> 01:16:39,803
That's a lie! Zoolander snapped
because he's over the hill !

1116
01:16:39,887 --> 01:16:41,972
He knew his career was over
and he couldn't face it.

1117
01:16:42,056 --> 01:16:43,515
No way, compadre.

1118
01:16:43,975 --> 01:16:47,560
We got 30 years of files
right here in this computer!

1119
01:16:47,645 --> 01:16:49,396
They're gonna bring you down !

1120
01:16:49,897 --> 01:16:51,189
Oh, no.

1121
01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:52,524
Down !

1122
01:16:56,821 --> 01:16:58,154
Where did all the files go?

1123
01:17:00,324 --> 01:17:01,533
I'm taking you out!

1124
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,869
Yo, taste my pain, bitch !

1125
01:17:09,417 --> 01:17:10,625
Yes!

1126
01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:12,377
Deal with that!

1127
01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:18,925
You don't have the guts, Kmart!

1128
01:17:19,343 --> 01:17:21,344
Wanna bet? And by the way,

1129
01:17:21,429 --> 01:17:23,305
you were wrong about my outfit.

1130
01:17:23,389 --> 01:17:26,850
It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection,
and I got it at J.C. Penney.

1131
01:17:27,476 --> 01:17:28,977
On sale.

1132
01:17:33,941 --> 01:17:37,193
Jig's up, Mugatu.
Everything they're saying is true.

1133
01:17:37,278 --> 01:17:39,571
I've been in on it for 30 years.

1134
01:17:39,697 --> 01:17:41,448
What are you doing, Ballstein?

1135
01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:45,493
I'm done, Jaco. I got a prostate
the size of a honeydew,

1136
01:17:45,578 --> 01:17:47,329
and a head full of bad memories.

1137
01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:49,331
It's time to set things straight.

1138
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,626
You have no evidence.
Han-stupid destroyed everything.

1139
01:17:53,711 --> 01:17:57,339
I got two words for you, sugar, Zip disc.

1140
01:17:57,590 --> 01:18:00,508
The whole thing
is in my den in Long Island.

1141
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:02,886
I can have that evidence here
in 20 minutes.

1142
01:18:02,970 --> 01:18:04,888
-That a boy, Maury.
-Hold on a second.

1143
01:18:04,972 --> 01:18:06,431
I'm afraid of the radiation.

1144
01:18:09,810 --> 01:18:12,354
Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen.

1145
01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:15,940
I need you to bring that Zip disc
in the den down to the fashion show.

1146
01:18:17,860 --> 01:18:19,944
I don't care what the traffic is like.

1147
01:18:21,280 --> 01:18:23,865
Take the God damn service road
and get off before the bridge.

1148
01:18:25,534 --> 01:18:27,744
So put it in one of those
Tupperware containers

1149
01:18:27,828 --> 01:18:29,829
and I'll heat it up in the microwave
when I get home.

1150
01:18:30,873 --> 01:18:34,626
For Christ's sake,
it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay!

1151
01:18:36,128 --> 01:18:37,212
Shut up!

1152
01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:39,255
Enough already, Ballstein !

1153
01:18:39,340 --> 01:18:42,258
Who cares about
Derek Zoolander, anyway?

1154
01:18:42,343 --> 01:18:45,470
The man has only one look,
for Christ's sake!

1155
01:18:45,596 --> 01:18:48,431
Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre?

1156
01:18:48,641 --> 01:18:50,266
They're the same face!

1157
01:18:51,769 --> 01:18:55,855
Doesn't anyone notice this?
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

1158
01:18:57,525 --> 01:19:00,610
I invented the piano-key necktie!

1159
01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:02,529
I invented it!

1160
01:19:02,613 --> 01:19:05,365
What have you done, Derek? Nothing !

1161
01:19:05,491 --> 01:19:08,701
You've done nothing ! Nothing !

1162
01:19:09,203 --> 01:19:12,872
And I will be a monkey's uncle
if I have you ruin this for me!

1163
01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:16,167
Because if you can't
get the job done, then I will !

1164
01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,878
Die, you wage-hiking scum !

1165
01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:24,551
One look?

1166
01:19:25,636 --> 01:19:29,139
One look? I don't think so!

1167
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:43,153
There it is!

1168
01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:44,362
Magnum !

1169
01:19:45,448 --> 01:19:47,198
Holy moly.

1170
01:19:47,324 --> 01:19:50,535
Yeah, baby!
That's what I've been waiting for!

1171
01:19:50,911 --> 01:19:54,164
Dear God. lt's beautiful.

1172
01:20:08,137 --> 01:20:10,388
Yeah !

1173
01:20:16,812 --> 01:20:20,148
That's my kid. That's my son.

1174
01:20:23,152 --> 01:20:24,194
Yeah !

1175
01:20:26,739 --> 01:20:27,739
Derek!

1176
01:20:28,115 --> 01:20:32,285
l love that kid.
Dumb as a stump, but I love him.

1177
01:20:32,369 --> 01:20:34,329
Derek, you did it! That was amazing !

1178
01:20:34,413 --> 01:20:36,581
I know. I turned left!

1179
01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:38,791
Yeah, that too. But, Derek,

1180
01:20:38,876 --> 01:20:40,919
you saved the prime minister
of Malaysia!

1181
01:20:41,253 --> 01:20:43,505
Right. Cool.

1182
01:20:44,256 --> 01:20:47,258
Thank you, Derek Zoolander,
for saving my life.

1183
01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:18,164
Hi, I'm former male supermodel
Derek Zoolander.

1184
01:21:18,249 --> 01:21:19,832
And here
at the Derek Zoolander Centre

1185
01:21:19,917 --> 01:21:21,334
for Kids Who Can't Read Good,

1186
01:21:21,418 --> 01:21:23,545
and Who Wanna Learn
to Do Other Stuff Good, Too,

1187
01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:25,838
we teach students of all ages,

1188
01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:29,008
everything they need to know to
learn to be a professional model

1189
01:21:29,093 --> 01:21:31,386
and a professional human being.

1190
01:21:31,470 --> 01:21:34,514
Our diverse faculty includes
business management teacher,

1191
01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:37,225
and former model agent
Maury Ballstein.

1192
01:21:37,309 --> 01:21:39,310
The designer's got your nuts in a vice,

1193
01:21:39,395 --> 01:21:41,729
offering you ten million
plus three percent,

1194
01:21:41,814 --> 01:21:44,065
of every pair of underwear sold.

1195
01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:45,900
What are you gonna do?

1196
01:21:45,985 --> 01:21:49,112
Screw him ! Hold out for more!

1197
01:21:49,196 --> 01:21:51,573
That's what I'm talking about!

1198
01:21:51,657 --> 01:21:54,409
So join now, because at
the Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids

1199
01:21:54,493 --> 01:21:57,412
Who Can't Read Good and Wanna
Learn to Do Other Stuff Good, Too,

1200
01:21:57,496 --> 01:21:58,913
we teach you that there's more to life,

1201
01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:01,708
than just being really, really,
really good-looking.

1202
01:22:01,792 --> 01:22:03,626
-Right, kids?
-Right!

1203
01:22:03,711 --> 01:22:04,961
And cut!

1204
01:22:06,505 --> 01:22:09,173
-Looks great. I think we got it.
-All right, Mitch. Thanks.

1205
01:22:09,258 --> 01:22:11,801
-All right, everybody! That's a wrap!
-Hey, Hansel.

1206
01:22:11,885 --> 01:22:15,471
Hey, D-Rock, I'm gonna take these kids
over to the George Washington Bridge,

1207
01:22:15,556 --> 01:22:17,515
give them a little lesson
in base jumping.

1208
01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:19,142
I'll catch you in the teacher's lounge
later on?

1209
01:22:19,226 --> 01:22:20,268
All right.

1210
01:22:20,352 --> 01:22:23,021
All right, guys. Last one to
the helicopter's a rotten egg. Let's go!

1211
01:22:25,024 --> 01:22:26,149
Hey, Matilda!

1212
01:22:26,233 --> 01:22:29,277
-There's Daddy! Hi.
-Hey.

1213
01:22:29,695 --> 01:22:31,195
-How's Derek, Jr?
-He's great.

1214
01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:33,531
Guess what.
He made his first look today.

1215
01:22:33,699 --> 01:22:34,741
Really?

1216
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,659
You wanna show Daddy
your look, Derek, Jr?

1217
01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:43,374
Wow.

1218
01:22:44,126 --> 01:22:47,503
-Wanna hang out for story hour?
-Great. Yeah. Let's go.

1219
01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:50,715
-Hey, who wants to hear a story?
-Yeah !